An excerpt from my fifth grader's persuasive essay, on the topic of "Parents Should Let Their Children Choose What They Want." I've left the original spelling/grammar. Her writing is especially expressive, and I thought her essay was pretty good, sharing the perspective of Taiwanese students toward traditional parenting, expectations and communication styles.
Some of the old minds family will have a mind that is like, "If you are mean to your kid, they will be good," or "If you are mad at your kid, that's called love." These kind of minds are wrong. I will tell you why and what do most kids think.
Some of the "old mind" parents will think that "If I give kids freedom, they will use it in a bad way," or "Kids don't need any freedom because you are not a adult."This kind of mind is only use for early times families. Why? Because if you don't give your kids freedom, kids can't do the things that they wants to do. so this will make them sad when they work or learn. The another reason of why you should give your kid freedom is that kids will have things that they do well, but no one notices. If your kid likes to do one kind of thing, let he/her do it. If you stop them, they will not be happy...
Another kind of "old mind" is that "I am your parent, so you have to listen to my mind or my ideas," or "What I want you do, you have to do it, so when I am mad at you, you can't say anything." These kinds of ideas are wrong, too. You have to try to be your kid's "friend" and "parent." Why? Because that if you only want to be your kid's "parent," kids will not want to talk with you. That child will be "not close" with you and can't tell you what do she/he feels. If you think that you "know" what your kids think, then you are very wrong. If your kids always can't or don't tell you what he/she think, then sorry, you don't know who your kids are.
The last reason...is that kids should care about what they really want to do/say. If you always stop the thing that your kids like to do, they will stop caring about their own mind. Your kid's life is not your life, so you have to let your kids to choose the things that they want.
Kind of funny and heartbreaking at the same time :/
This kid makes more sense that most parents I ever met in Taiwan. So revealing that a young adult is more lucid and calm and reasonable in her understanding of how to raise kids that a whole succession of ministers of education and school principals combined.
ReplyDeleteHow would most parents respond?
1. You're a child so you don't understand.
2. The economy is bad so we have no opportunity to fulfil your utopian ideas.
3. When I was a child I never had the chances you have.
4. (If all else fails) This is our culture - you should not try to change it or be different because that will cause you to fail.
I know, I thought her insights were pretty amazing! And really honest :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a smart kid! That is a pretty amazing essay. You must be pretty proud of her.
ReplyDeleteMy parents gave my brother and me a lot of freedom when we were growing up, especially compared to other Taiwanese-American parents. In fact, I think the other parents thought they were a little bit crazy.
Looking back now, I can appreciate how difficult it must have been for them to let go of parental anxiety and cultural mandates and allow us to forge our own paths.
She has some truths in there, but parents should absolutely not be their kids' friends. That's the kind of thinking that led to the current U.S. generation of spoiled, ridiculously entitled kids and teens.
ReplyDeleteThis is a killer essay!
ReplyDeleteSmart little kid~~~
I like the essay, but I think it is a bit too idealistic. I have friends in the teaching profession whom constantly are tossed the hot parenting potato because the parent is too concerned with being "friends" with his/her children. But of course as in everything in life, a balance needs to be reached.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, it's not the child's place to tell the parent when to be nice or strict. I think this is all upside down, and too much emphasis is placed on pampering emotions. I don't understand what's so wrong about a little "hard" with kids. Lessons to grow resilience never hurt anyone.
*sigh*...
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely glad the parents of my students seem to be engaged and genuinely concerned about their kids. I was walking out of class after subbing for a friend recently, and thought to myself "Get off your phone and talk to your kid about their day! They just had a 'Performance Day' 8( "
On a related note, this Wall Street Journal article with the incendiary title "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior" has been popular online recently.
ReplyDeletehttp://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html#articleTabs%3Darticle
Mmm, I agree the friend/parent line is carefully treaded, but the point that children should trust their parents enough to communicate with them honestly is important. So many kids here have these masks they slip on at home and a sense of isolation that none of the adults in their lives care what they think or what they want.
ReplyDeleteProtocol: I've been percolating on that WSJ article since it came out, finally posted on it! What were your thoughts? Catherine, I'm interested in your take on it also, do share!